simple things...

listening to (in my head): Idlewild - A Modern Way Of Letting Go

choice lyrics: "If I know, what I know / losing isn't learning to be lost / It's learning to know when you're lost / If I know, what I know / I'll want to make the most of what it seems like"

So desperate was I to have new music to listen to apart from the same 30-odd songs I've had on my mobile for the past year, that I went along to my friend's place to pick up my TV/DVD player and a box of CDs and got a taxi back to the flat.

I then had to carry said TV/DVD combi up 3 flights of stairs. 3! After carrying it down the 2 flights of stairs at my pal's place! Managed it though, so that was all fine and dandy. And I was so ridiculously happy about it that I spent the next hour singing and dancing around my room to The Smiths. And then watching Groundhog Day, starring the incredible Bill Murray.

Good times!

Shyness is nice, and shyness can stop you...

drinking: water. "Work is the curse of the drinking classes." Too right, Wilde.

listening to (in my head, anyways): The Smiths - Ask

choice lyrics: "So if there's something you'd like to try / if there's something you'd like to try / Ask me, I won't say no / how could I?"

Sorry troops, I'm currently in a flat without internet (dear God, how am I managing?!) so visits here and to your own blogs will be a lot less frequent than I'd like - my apologies. And I'm not sure how often I can get away with logging on during lunchbreaks at work. Booo.

Quick catch up:

Derby -

skating is still a no-go although I'm not really limping anymore (yay!), but I passed my written test for minimum requirements.

39 out of 40, ohhhh yeah!! With minimal studying (I tried, honest!).

My flatmate got 40 out of 40, but I've been making fun of her for being a swot. Granted, I only got one wrong - which means I'm awesome without being a smartarse :P

Boys -

Not sure if there's anything ongoing to report, as such. I don't think so? There's a lot to be said for imagination though ;-) And I never knew it was possible to be so fascinated by a freckle on the back of someone's neck... lol

I need excitement, oh I need it bad...

drinking: 'Don Simon Sangria', in a plastic 1.5 litre bottle. Fucking classy.
listening to: The Undertones - Teenage Kicks
choice lyrics: "I'm gonna call her on the telephone / have her over 'cos I'm all alone / I need excitement, oh I need it bad / and it's the best I've ever had"

Last night I got to see my friend for the first time since her wedding reception - I was so happy and excited to see her, especially since she'd only just been able to come back to the UK (fucking Governmental bastards took their bloody time in approving her visa. Hello, she's been here for years and just got fucking married! You had sworn testimony to prove it was all legit, so what the hell?!).
Last night was also the first night in the new flat, and I slept like a baby. Totally LOVING having a double bed again (and can't wait to try it out properly, giggity ;-) lol ) A shop alarm went off apparently, but I slept through it (I had a few pints prior to bedtime, so I am wondering if the booze made me oblivious to the alleged racket).
Also, had nachos last night... instead of sour cream though, it had raita (Indian yoghurt-y mint-y cucumber-y dip). What the fuck?! It confused the hell out of me, not just because I was a bit merry. I'm really not sure if I'd have it again. Not from that place at any rate, even if it is the only takeaway open at midnight in Glasgow Cross!

Tonight I'm back at the parents - because I'm meant to try to assuage Dad's panic / anger / fear over the fact that I'll be living in a flat that isn't in one of Glasgow's best areas. It's right across the road from the pub I worked in for over a year, and a good few folk who drink in the area know me (thus, may want to look out for me) but y'know. Dad's being Dad.
However, after putting up with him for 24 years, and his 'oh you've got me so worried and stressed that my health is now even more badly affected' pish which has held me back from things before, I'm not having any of it.
Besides, I stayed in Glasgow's West End for a good few years - despite the fact it's considered a pretty decent and affluent area, there's been a lot of bad stuff happen there (sexual assaults and murder, just in the past couple of years). Hell, I had to call the police out a couple of times because some wee ned bastards kicked in the door to my close and tried to nick a neighbour's bicycle!

Anyhow, it's only temporary. My friend was having difficulty finding a flatmate, and I really didn't want to leave her trying to pay rent on her own. Granted, there's no central heating or shower (but a pretty bloody nice bath)... and obviously I'm a bloody good friend lol :P


And with regards to the moping the other day, I'll put it down to 'surfing the crimson wave'. And I also got an okay-ish text back (finally) so... we'll see what happens. If anything. Although I do admit I would quite like something to happen. Though it won't because I've thought about it too much.

Sounds stupid but that's what happens with me. If I think about a scenario or situation, it's pretty much guaranteed not to happen. Which isn't quite so bad, considering that I have one fucked up imagination at times lol.

Still... it's quite gutting because in my head, the sex was fantastic. lol :P

Aussie wine and Morrissey

drinking: a Hardy's 'Stamp of Australia' Shiraz Cabernet. In honour of Australia Day, since I'm pretty sure I'll have at least one cattle-rustling ancestor that was shipped off there.
listening to: The Smiths - Hand In Glove
choice lyrics: "Hand in glove, we can go wherever we please / and everything depends upon how near you stand to me"

Well... when one is feeling a bit down, you can always wander over to Miss P's blog on a Tuesday to help bring a little sunshine into your life. I have to say though that Kasia's own method of funk-fixing is totally spot-on too - buying knickers is a great (and inexpensive!) pick-me-up. :)

Granted, when I wandered into Primark at half 8 this morning before I started work, I hadn't actually been planning on also buying myself a tshirt from the men's section (it'll look good on me!) and a fleece-y throw thing as well... oops!

And as I've been listening to The Smiths again recently for the first time in years, I've realised that I fancy Morrissey.

Celibate? I accept that challenge! >:)

Ahhh all this lust and Australian festivity reminds me of one of my favourite chat up lines, as chronicled in a previous post:

"What do you say we try an Australian kiss? It's just like a French kiss... Down Under."

;-)

beer troubleshooting

drinking: Budweiser. Don't judge me, it was Dad's choice of booze! And yes - it's getting replaced before he's back from holiday...
listening to: Dropkick Murphys - Kiss Me I'm Shitfaced
choice lyrics: "So kiss me, I'm shitfaced / I'm soaked, I'm soiled and brown / In the trousers, she kissed me / and I only bought her one round"

It's pretty much a guarantee that when you're desperately (pathetically) hoping for a text from someone, then you will be texted by 4 different people within 20 minutes - and not one of them will be the person you were hoping for.

And even later when 2 more folk text you... nope, not them either.

*sigh*

Ah well. Below is something that can usually make me crack a smile :)
--

+ BEER TROUBLESHOOTING +

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself chained to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender, take taxi home.

SYMPTOM: Truck suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and laughs.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy looking.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.

ignorance is bliss...

drinking: Yellow Tail Bubbles Rose (it had a kangaroo on it and is 12%, of course I wanted it!)
listening to: My Ruin - Beauty Fiend
choice lyrics: "Yes it's true, I've got demons inside me / and sometimes they need to speak / My dark places make me feel ugly / my lips are glossed but my heart is weak / I'm diseased, as seen on TV / please forgive me for not being pretty or sexy / But God never blessed me / here's what you'll find next time you undress me"

I work in an office, for a website. Nothing terribly exciting, but infinitely better than a previous job or two (in terms of the salary, as well).

Well the other day, a task was given to one of the other admin team members who is 20 - maybe 21 - and male. The task in question... compiling and categorising a list of various beauty and cosmetic treatments for a part of the website that is being put together.

What followed was 2 hours of work punctuated by varying stages of bewilderment, astonishment, and horror from my colleague as he learned (against his wishes) about the various treatments that some women regularly undergo. Below are just a few examples of his questions to us (he was outnumbered by females), and his reactions when we explained what they were...

• "What are lowlights? And half-head lowlights?!"
  

Well, highlights are lighter and brighten your hair. Lowlights are a bit darker and create more depth, we advise.
One colleague goes on to explain her own hairstyle to him. We're not sure if he entirely understands but he accepts without question.

• "Depi...depilation?"

Hair removal, we advise, knowingly.
"So that's just waxing, then?"
No, no... it can also be other methods. Sometimes with lasers.
This concept was apparently quite acceptable, as he asked for no further explanation.

• "What the hell is Hopi ear candling?!"

We explain the concept (a rolled up waxed cloth is put in your ear and lit, meant to draw out earwax and any nastiness although there is absolutely no medical or scientific evidence to prove it improves health or well-being).
"Sounds medieval."

• "What the fuck is a Jessica?"

Ahh, a special nail care treatment. In fact, my previous manager used to own a health and beauty spa and gave myself and the other girls in the team some leftover Jessica goodies that she still had.
"But... but who is she?!"
You don't need to know, just write it down in the proper category and move on, we advise.

• What the fuck is 'lip enhancement'?!

I wanted to get that done!, declares a colleague. Just the words 'collagen' and 'adds definition' seem to answer the query.


As my poor colleague moved further down the list (and the rest of us agreed that he was possibly the last person to have been considered for the dubious pleasure of this project), he became slightly more hysterical...

"Nipple correction? What was wrong with them in the first place?!"

"...Soft tissue grafting?!"

"... BONE grafting? Why would anyone DO that?!"

"...VAGINAL TIGHTENING?"



"... you girls have a lot to deal with, don't you?"

I don't normally have much to laugh about in work, but bloody hell... 'hysterical' doesn't quite cover it...

boredom strikes.

drinking: Mum's Strongbow cider... I'll replace it before she knows it's missing! :P
listening to: Bon Jovi - Temptation
choice lyrics: "Twist my wrist / tell me I should resist / But the flesh is weak / here comes the kiss"

I've suddenly got the sniffles, still have a gammy ankle, and am going stir crazy with no company apart from pets who don't appreciate my witty banter.

Resisting the urge to carelessly invite anyone over.

Or break the PIN code on the Adult channels for fun, just to see if my parents think to question me first. Although why pay when one has a broadband connection and the presence of mind to delete one's browsing history? ;-)


Edit: No one is EVER to let me near any sort of communication device when I'm bored! Stupid mobile with it's texting and what-not...