The failure stains your hands

drinking: pure, unadulterated water. Did not get booze. Thanks partly to the slippy conditions outside from the snow & slush.
listening to: Jack Off Jill - Working With Meat
choice lyrics: "We are desensitised, television does not hate me / Had hate since I was born, I hate you very much"

So tomorrow I get feedback from the Community Mental Health Team, via the social worker I saw on Monday (who, I admit, I wasn't that keen on).

I feel as though my mind is fidgeting - like I'm mentally restless - as I'm a bit worried about it. Oddly, not because I think they're going to overreact to what I've told the GP and the social worker, but that they'll say I'm attention seeking or not genuinely ill (or ill enough).

Moodwise I'm not as upbeat or even cautiously optimistic like I was the other day. Just... meh. I don't think the weather has helped with my happiness or lack thereof - cold weather. Icyness. Snow. Slush. The feeling that you're actually taking your life in your hands when you take one step outside. More so because I have to go to the clinic tomorrow.

Eurgh.

I keep fantasising about living somewhere else. It's now that I have a greater understanding and appreciation of why so many people immerse themselves so deeply into things like Second Life and the like - it seems like a fabulous means of escape; the ultimate game of 'pretend'.

I love the idea of forests... a cottage in a village. Trees, greenery and community rather than the godawful and soulless concrete jungle. Peace and contentment. Dare I say it, harmony and happiness?